


Dead-ication.

by Desolateskeleton37



Category: Underfell AU - Fandom, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Ecto-Penis (Undertale), Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Soul Bond, Soulmates, Underfell AU, Undertale AU, Zombies, zombiefell - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 04:26:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19940191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desolateskeleton37/pseuds/Desolateskeleton37
Summary: A little something based on the wonderful Brace For It by readsleepcoffee.https://archiveofourown.org/works/8867284/chapters/20328718I loved it so much I had to make my own take on it!This story is from Underfell Sans point of view.The world is done. Zombies roam the land and only the magically inclined are immune.Sans is on a mission.





	1. It’s the end of the world as we know it.

Zombiefell/Dead-ication 

i guess it all started when paps an’ gaster threw me out.

nah, that’s not where it started, it really started when the world ended.

but even then, it could have even started when the barrier fell and monster kind were freed. 

i don’t fuckin’ know. all I know is i’m on my own, driving across the stars damned county trying to find a needle in a fuckin’ haystack. it’s been three fuckin’ months at this point. fuck. 

it’s a lot easier now than it was, no traffic jams when everyone is dead. all ya’ gotta do it try ta’ avoid the abandoned pile ups on the motorways. 

that and the walking dead. 

but i don’t avoid em’ so much as aim for em’.  
my knight xv makes for a cushy ride while I turn the zedheads into paste, it really is the best when the world ends in a killer virus and you and your kind are immune.  
nothing is outta’ yer’ price range when the apocalypse comes a’callin’. it don’t hurt when ya’ a dab hand at mechanics either. 

so here i am, kicked outta’ my home by my own bro an’ ‘dad’, followin’ where ever the fuck it is my soul is takin’ me. 

followin’ yer’ soul isn’t as hard as ya’ would think.  
When we first came outta’ the mountain it was difficult. like tryin’ to hear a single voice in a chorus. too many souls in da’ world, all talkin’ at once. it was impossible.

now, it’s a walk in the park.

only souls left in the world are monsters an’ mages. that means less than two thousand sentient souls left and believe me when i tell ya’, the world is a lot better off this way. nature is already claimin’ back pretty much everythin’.  
i gotta’ avoid runnin’ over more animals than i ever saw before.  
freakin’ deer everywhere, more rabbits than anyone could count.

monsters mostly stay together in our city, it’s pretty fuckin’ sweet for us now, no humans tryin’ to stop us havin’ rights. we even take in the mages we find, treat them as our own.

magic kin. 

it’s only been a year since the human world ended, but the monster world is lookin’ pretty damn fine to me. 

~~~~~  
it’s a dull ass winters day and i’m runnin’ low on mustard an’ fuel. 

i’ve hit a backwater town, the roads are smaller, more congested with cheap, crap cars. 

the people here would have been some of the first hit with the virus, it’s a port town an’ the ships would’a brought in all kindsa’ people, spreadin’ their germs all over the place. 

i drive through the centre, over the pavements to avoid the backed up rusted out cars and busses. deadheads don’t stand a chance as i spread their corpses under my wheels. gotta’ love my spiked snow chains.

the pull on my soul is stronger than i ever felt it before. it kinda’ hurts as i turn the car to follow its rapid pulsin’.

the town is a shithole. i can see it was a shithole even before the apocalypse hit.  
a dead end hell hole that people would spend their whole lives tryin’ ta’ get outta’. 

glass is all over the street, shattered from the storefronts in the early days, looters goin’ crazy, zombies attackin’ survivors as they tried to board up in the shops.

a giant sundial type thing sits in the middle of the walkway. ugly modern art type shit, right now it’s filled with rotted body parts.  
there isn’t any blood to see, rain woulda’ washed that away ages ago, but i can make out a few corpses bein’ picked over by seagulls. 

port towns were always overrun with seagulls an’ landlocked places with tha’ rats an’ dogs. fuckin’ gross. 

i can see a herd of zedheads shamblin’ towards a generic looking’ shopping mall at the top end of the town.  
they are hearin’ sommat’ that’s drawin’ them in, but that’s also where my soul is draggin’ my boney ass. great.

as much as monsters are immune to zombie bites, a whole fuckin’ herd can still rip ya’ ta’ shreds if ya’ rile em’ up. so i park up in the leeway of a Debenhams store, take my pick a’ weapon, today feels like a crowbar day, an’ make my way to the mob o’ zombies. 

c’ourse, bein’ able ta’ teleport makes life pretty easy. i manage to avoid the most congested areas, ‘portin’ to the upper levels so i can see what’s pullin’ in all the walkers. 

lookin’ over the glass balcony above, i finally see ‘em.

the person that’s dragged my soul all this way. my soul mate. 

i say i see ‘em. but all i can tell is they are bat shit crazy and possibly female. 

you are singing. yer’ voice is like an angel an’ i can feel my soul singin’ out to ya’.

yer’ hands are clutchin’ a bat... a bat wrapped with barbed wire. yer whole body is covered in protective clothin’, you’ve clearly raided a sports store at some point.

a cricket helmet on yer head hides yer’ face.  
yer’ arms are covered in what looks like micro chain mail gauntlets. bite proof...no idea where ya’ woulda’ scrounged somethin’ like that up. impressive, boss would approve. but it means I don’t get ta’ see the goods. every bit of ya’ is covered in gortex...disappointin’. 

i’m likin’ the knee high leather biker boots. 

don’t get me wrong, i’m glad yer’ smart enough to be safe, but what dust loving monster wouldn’t want ta’ see what his soul mate is packin’? 

an’ there ya’ are. swingin’ that bat like a pro, taking out zed heads like they was nothin’, singing yer’ heart out and laughin’ like it’s the best day of yer’ life.

i listen to the words of yer’ song.

“Come with me  
And you'll be  
In a world of  
Bloody devastation  
Take a look  
And you'll see  
In your twisted imagination.”

*Thwack* as yer take off the head of a rotted out old geezer. 

“We'll begin  
With a spin  
Traveling in  
A world of reprehension  
What we'll see  
Will defy  
Comprehension.”

takin’ a twirl in the balls of yer feet yer decapitate a group of three teenage looking walkers. then you giggle.  
*Crunch.* 

yep. definitely female. definitely a nut job.  
i bet ya’ a beast in the bedroom... 

“If you want to view sin and vice  
Simply look around and view it  
Anything you want to, do it  
Wanta end the world?  
There's nothing  
To it.”

*Thud..Crash.*  
and... that was a zombie toddler bein’ punted through a shop window.  
nice. 

i start thinking maybe i should introduce myself, standin’ here watchin’ is startin’ to give me stalker vibes. 

“There is no  
Life I know  
That can endure  
Pure devastation  
End life there  
You'll be free  
If you truly wish to be.”

dark. that’s a little worryin’, but ya’ don’t look suicidal, just insane. i can deal with insane.  
i can feel a goofy god damn grin on ma’ face as i watch ya’ laugh yer’ ass off at a zombie that’s just fallen over it’s own intestines. 

pushing ma’self off the balcony i step into the air and drop until i land with a resoundin’ crunch beside ya’.  
i may have landed on a couple of zeds that were creepin’ up behind ya’. 

o’course ya’ turn and try to lamp me with the bat immediately. i’da been disappointed if ya’ didn’t. i catch yer bat in ma’ hand and push yer’ back gentle like. don’t want ya’ off balance. 

and o’course ya’ still singin’. 

“If you want to view sin and vice  
Simply look around and view it  
Anything you want to, do it  
Wanta end the world?  
There's nothing  
To it.”

*Thwack*  
ya’ nail a walker just by ma’ head, sending flyin’ as yer eyes lock with mine through the bars of yer’ helmet.  
ya’ clutch at the front of yer jacket, right over the chest. right over yer’ soul and yer’ eyes widen in shock. 

that’s right baby. yer feel it, don’t ya’. 

but like the genius i am, all i can think to say is...

“hi.” 

smooth. Nailed it.


	2. We're going to get you. We're going to get you. Not another peep. Time to go to sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It case anyone wonders, Readers crappy town is actually based on my home town. All the places described are real places:)
> 
> This story is U.K centred and I’m using the theory that Ebbot is in Ireland from this video here- https://youtu.be/-nec7Z8fFls
> 
> Bonus points, I’m going to make the titles all quotes from zombie movies, can’t you guess what ones?   
> Enjoy darlings!

yer’ looked at me with those big ol’ eyes.  
i can’t even see what colour they are in the shadows of yer’ helmet. yer’ so tiny it’s almost funny, yer’ head just about reaches my sternum. 

yer’ face is covered with a bandana, s’got a fanged monster mouth print on it, that makes me smile, showin’ off my own giant chompers. 

“done having fun here, kid?” i ask, all casual like. yer’ still clutchin’ at yer’ chest as ya’ stare at me and nod once. 

do ya’ ever blink? 

it’s the work a’seconds ta’ clear a path with a blaster. the smell of charred, rotted flesh fills the mall.   
i can tell ya’ impressed by the way you gasp and clap yer’ hands like an excited kid.  
not a reaction i’ve ever had before.

so fuckin’ adorable. 

i think about offerin’ ya’ my arm, but it’s too soon, yer’ too smart ta’ trust like that. 

with a flick of ya’ head, ya’ indicate i should follow you. 

at this point i’d follow ya’ to hell an’ back, but you don’t need ta’ know that just yet. 

~~~~~

the place you’ve made yer’ base is a castle...  
a mutha’ fuckin’ castle. 

it was a huge hotel on the edge of the town, it’s walls are probably three feet thick in some places, the lower windows all have thick iron bars over them. it’s even got a god damn moat. 

this old towns gotta’ lot of history, this buildin’ s’gotta be from the 1800’s or somethin’. you managed to block up the bridge to the main entrance. it’s a fortress. 

my girl is a smart one.

ya’ bring me in around the back way, you’ve left a rope ladder hidden under the climbin’ ivy. i let ya’ go up first, giving me ma’ first view of a very fine ass as ya’ go,  
then i teleport onto the balcony next to ya.

i really like the way ya’ squeak in surprise when ya’ see me there. 

after pullin’ up the ladder ya’ take me inta’ another room down the hall, ya’ set y’self up in the master suite.

nice.

it’s all four poster bed and huge windows overlookin’ the whole area, ya’ supplies are stacked up in the corners, it looks like ya’ been here a long while. 

the whole place smells like ya’.  
vanilla an’ cocoa would be the closest i could compare the smell to. i wonder if that’s what ya’ taste like too. 

looking at me, ya’ point to the sofa thing at the end of the bed, it’s one of those lounge dealies, all plush velvet and shit, so i make myself comfortable as you start takin’ off yer’ body armour. best strip tease ever, even if ya’ ain’t naked...yet.

yer’ gorgeous. no fuckin’ way a shit like me gets this lucky.  
it ain’t just the soul bond, ya’ straight up stunnin’.   
as yer’ take off the bite protection and gloves i get an eyeful of a damn impressive rack, yer helmet and bandana come off letting loose a god damn sheet of silky, wavy brown hair. 

yer’ eyes are so dark they are almost black, it wasn’t just the shadow of the helmet, yer got eyes like... i dunno’... obsidian or some shit. i can feel them trained on me, it’s making’ my soul shudder in a real good way. 

there are freckles on yer cheekbones. i ain’t never seen anythin’ so fuckin’ cute in all my days. an’ those eyes are lookin’ me up an’ down like i’m yer’ next meal. 

i’d let ya’ eat me kitten, just to get that tongue on these bones...

“So, what’s your story?” 

yer’ almost make me jump outta’ my non existent skin, it’s the first time yer’ said a word to me and i didn’t expect it. 

guess it’s time ta’ make an impression.  
“been lookin’ for ya’ kid.” 

“That’s not creepy at all.” 

i cant help but chuckle at that, yer’ not wrong.

“ya’ can feel that right? in yer chest when ya’ saw me?”   
yer’ fingers grip at the front of yer’ t-shirt an’ i almost turn to dust right then an’ there at the tightness of it over yer’ tits.   
“that’s yer’ soul callin’ ta’ mine. we’re soul mates sweetheart. been followin’ yer’ call for months.” 

yer’ givin’ me that thousand yard stare again, folding yer’ arms and tilting yer’ head at me, like ya’ could tell if i’m lyin’ just by lookin’ at me. 

“So what if we are? What’s that mean?” 

blunt, baby. straight to the point. i like it. 

“it means, that we were literally made for each other, perfect mates. i wanna’ take ya’ back to my home. monster city. look afta’ ya.”  
yer’ eyes are narrowing and ya’ blink at me real slow. 

“we take in all the mages we can find, so they’ll be others like ya’ there wit’ya.” 

maybe that’s what’s got yer’ lookin’ at me like that, thinkin’ ya’ gonna’ be with none o’ya’ own kind. 

“Mages?” that little head tilt ya’ do is makin’ me drool...gotta’ be steady. can’t have ya’ runnin’ off. it’d be a real pain in the ta’ havta’   
chase ya’ down. 

“yeah, magical humans. yer’ didn’t know? only mages an’ monsters are immune ta’ the walkers.”

oh, that makes ya’ light up like a giftmas tree. i need to make ya’ smile like that more.

“only mages have monster soulmates, not normal humans.”  
i add that little nugget in, need to make ma’ point here. 

“I’m a mage? So I’m not a true human?”   
yer’ giddy, like all yer’ birthdays came at once. weird thing to be happy about...

“i mean, technically there ain’t no real humans no more, just monsters an’ mages.”   
rubbing ma’ hand in the back a’ma’ skull is a nervous tell. s’why i suck at poker, but i can’t seem ta’ stop. 

“And we’re soul mates, huh?” 

it’s kinda’ hot, the way ya’ look me over like ya’ do. i can feel myself sweatin’, another nervous habit. got a lota’em for a guy with no nerves. 

“yup.”

“What would you do if I didn’t want to leave?” i can see yer’ mind workin’. clever little kitten. 

“guess i’d havta’ get comfortable here, ‘cause i ain’t goin’ nowhere without ya’ now i found ya’” ta’ make ma’ point i lounge back on the sofa thing. no way i’m leaving ya’. 

givin’ me a little smirk, ya’ eyebrow quirks up real high.   
“Hate to break it to you lovely, you’re hot and all, but... you’re a skeleton. What are you going to do? Bone me?” 

it’s one o’those perfect moments, the kinda’ thing ya’ wanna’ remember yer’ whole life an’ i can’t help but laugh.

“Wanna’ demonstration sweetheart?”   
lettin’ ma’ tongue form i lick over ma’ teeth real slow like. can’t have ya’ thinkin’ i can’t satisfy ya’. 

yer’ think i’m hot, that’s somethin’ to remember fer’ later. silly kitten. 

“Yeah. Sure, let’s do it big guy.”   
yer’ deadpannin’ at me. 

tease.

it’s like ya’ think i don’t see the bottle a’ mace in yer’ hand. it’s funny, i ain’t got eyes ta’ burn with that stuff, but ya’ honestly think it’ll work. cute. 

“one day ya’ll say that for real, baby girl.”  
i keep ma’ voice real low so ya’ know i ain’t kiddin’ around. 

but ya’ look ready ta’ bolt, so i’ll ease off...f’now. 

“so what should i call ya’, other than mine?”  
big easy grin, lazy an’ funny. no need ta’ be scared o’the big ol’ skelly. 

ya’ don’t trust me, anyone could see that.  
smart.   
it’s fine, i’ll earn it. 

“You...can call me River.” folding yer’ arms, ya’ give me a side eye, yer eyelids all heavy and sexy as all get out. it ain’t ya’ real name clearly, but i’ll play along. 

“o.k river, in that case, ya’ can call me...red.”   
i can’t help ma’self.  
“or daddy, if ya’ like.” givin’ ya’ a big leery wink so ya’ know i’m jus’ playin’ wit’cha. 

the pillow ya’ launch at ma’ skull ain’t enough ta’ hide ya’ blush. 

interestin’. 

“so were am i sleepin’ kitten?”   
gotta’ keep thing easy an’ light. i really don’t wanna’ need to kidnap ya’ if i don’t have ta’. 

“This is a hotel, you can sleep in literally any room you choose.” ya’ face scrunches up all cute and confuse. teasin’ ya’ is gonna’ be my new favourite thin’. 

“any room i choose?”   
i gotta’ be sure, can’t mess up after all.

“Yeah, dipshit. Any room you want is yours. The dead can’t get in, if that’s what you’re worried about?”   
could ya’ be any cuter, like i care about the fuckin’ zombies. 

“if i can have any room, i think i’ll stay right here.”   
landed it. hehehe. ya’ face is a picture, this is better than throwin’ puns at the boss. 

“What? No, this is my room! Asshole, find your own!” yer’ mad. it’s like bein’ yelled at by an angry pomeranian. 

stars i wanna’ lick you so bad. you’d like it too... i’d make yer’ scream so fuckin’ loud...

no. focus. 

portin’ ta’ ya’ bed, i make ma’self real comfortable. smells amazin’ an’ it’s all i can do ta’ stop ma’ magic formin’. 

“yeah, i’m thinkin’ this’ll do just right.” 

“I’ll gut you!!” ya’ irate. fuckin’ adorable.

“ain’t got no guts doll face, dunno’ what ta’ tell ya’.”   
i think it’s the nonchalant shrug that sets you off completely. 

Ya’ launch yer’self at me. I could’a ‘ported outta’ the way, but yer intent is pretty harmless, so i let ya’ land on me.   
so cute, i can tell ya’ forget all about attackin’ me when ya’ land on a big ol’ belly that shouldn’t be on a skeleton. 

so here we are.

you on top’a me on yer bed, proddin’ at me with this adorable fuckin’ face. it’s really clear ya’ as nuts as they come. like.. bipolar levels o’crazy here. 

it’s only when i start purrin’ that ya’ even realise what ya’ doin’.

i hate purrin’. it’s natural an’ all, but it really messes with the whole ‘killer monster’ vibe ya’ know. 

yer’ soul is singin’ ta’ mine. it sounds like heaven.

“F..fine, you can stay. But if you touch me I’ll rip your throat... out?” Seein’ the realisation that i ain’t got that either is a picture.   
“Oh my god! How do you even work!?”


	3. Who'd have guessed that somethin' would be zombie killin'?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red and River get on the road!
> 
> And a little bonus River POV at the end for funsies!

wakin’ up was not the cuddle puddle i was hopin’ for. 

ya’ didn’t stay with me on yer’ bed after yer’ pokin’ ma’ belly.   
seemed ya’ decided the couch thing was the way ta’ go. i was so relaxed i guess i passed out.   
i dun remember ya’ movin’ offa’ me, guess i was more tuckered out than i thought. the sound of ya’ soul bein’ so close gave me the best night sleep i’ve had in years. 

but there ya’ are, sitting all cross legged an’ eaten’ beans outta’ a can, starin’ at me while i’m sleepin’. 

ya’ creepy little marshmallow. 

“Morning sleeping beauty. Did you know you snore? How do you with no throat or nose?” ya’ seem chipper, wide eyed and bushy tailed.  
or wired to the ceiling. hard ta’ tell. 

“mornin’... yes and magic.” i reply, givin’ the classic jazz hands an’ wigglin’ ma’ flanges at ya’.

sittin’ up easily, i watch yer’ frown, all cute like. magic as an answer always ticks people off, like it ain’t a real answer, even if it’s the only answer.

“Fine...you want coffee, big guy?” angel that ya’ are. 

“stars yes, got any mustard?” ya’ give me a look an’ i expect the usual grossed out complaints, but ya’ just blink that damn slow blink a’yours.

“English, french, Dijon or American?” 

i think i knew how much trouble i was in right there. 

“er... what?” i’m damn eloquent when i’m caught off guard. 

“What kind of mustard, dumbass. I raided the shops ages ago, I love the stuff...mustard makes everything taste good. Even long life ready meals. So take your pick.” rollin’ yer eyes at me like ya’ hadn’t just uttered the sexiest sentence in the whole fuckin’ world.   
“Wait..you want to put it in your coffee?”

noddin’ i can’t help but gawp at my girl.  
i knew soulmates were meant to be aligned and shit, but this is crazy. you are crazy. 

“Ha, you got me beat on that one skelly man, but you do you.” 

ya’ get up and go to the camper stove ya’ got goin’ on the dressin’ table. the kettle is bubblin’ away gently and as ya’ start makin’ up some instant coffee, ya’ start singin’ again. 

“In your head, in your head  
Zombie, zombie, zombie-ie-ie  
What's in your head, in your head  
Zombie, zombie, zombie-ie-ie, oh”

looks like singin’ is your thing.

ya’ hand me the hot mug’a joe along with the mustard selection. ya’ just brought me the whole lot ya’ pick from. feels like a romance movie trope or some shit. 

i ain’t ever tried the other stuff, american is always my go-to, so i dip ma’ flange into the different pots’a stuff.   
i think ma’ eyelights turn inta’ stars or summat’ when i try the english mustard cause ya’ start laughin’ like a fuckin’ banshee.   
i can’t help it, that stuff the tha’ dogs proverbials.   
addin’ a couple spoons a’it to ma’ coffee really *perks* me up. heh. 

“I’m gonna’ come with you.”

i almost choked on ma’ drink, that came outta’ nowhere.

“ya’ are?” it’s all i can do ta’ gasp out tha’ words. 

“Yeah, this place is a *dead*end. Might as well try my luck in Monster city.” ya’ even give me a little wink an’ finger guns when ya’ pun at me...holy fuck. 

yer, fuckin’ perfect. 

i can’t get too excited, i’ll spook ya’.  
“that’s good. when ya’ wanna’ get movin’ then?” 

ya’ shrug and look around at ya’ stuff.

“As soon as we can scrounge up transport I guess. How did you even get here? You are definitely not local.”   
that little wink again, if ya’ ain’t careful i’m gonna’ jump ya’ right here and now. 

“i gotta’ car, it’ll hold most ya’ supplies. just need to go get it.” i give ya’ a lazy shrug as i try ta’ hide how happy ya’ makin’ me.

“That’s convenient.” ya’ quip. sassy girl.   
“So where is Monster City anyway, will it take us long to get there?” 

“back in ebott. we all returned there when the world turned ta’ hell ina’ handbasket.” i think about it, now i ain’t lookin’ for someone, gettin’ home shouldn’t take too long.   
“it’ll take about a week ta’ get back ta’ ireland i think.” 

“Nice, just need to circumvent the hordes of the undead and we are on easy street.”   
ya’ give this little giggle that kinda’ makes my soul ache, i know that kinda’ laugh.  
i used to make that kinda’ laugh.  
a hopeless laugh. 

“dun’ worry about it kitten, ya’ got ya’ soul mate, ol’ red ta’ look afta’ ya’ now.” i try ta’ reassure ya’ that ya’ ain’t gonna’ come ya’ harm with me around. 

“Yeah, about that. Just because I’m coming with you, please don’t think I believe the whole soul mate thing. I refuse to allow fate to dictate my life.” ya’ state flatly, lookin’ at me all serious like. 

i give ya’ what my ma used ta’ call an ‘old fashioned look’. 

“darlin’, don’t ever think ya’ ain’t got a choice in this. that ain’t what i’m sayin’ at all.  
soul mates can be platonic too, it ain’t what i want from this, but ya’ always have the choice.” 

ain’t no point in mentionin’ that ya’ don’t get ta’ choose if i’m in ya’ life at all, that i’ll be by ya’ side, like it or not, doin’ all i can ta’ persuade ya’ ta’ be more than platonic... for the rest o’ya life. but it seems ta’ have been tha’ right thing ta’ say because ya’ perk up straight away. 

“Oh. That’s cool, so...friends for life kind of thing?” ya’ ask me. god damn, yer’ so fuckin’ adorable. 

“if that’s what yer’ want. ain’t no pressure babydoll.”   
no pressure because it never happens, all soul mates end up together ...just the way it is, but no need ta’ worry ya’ with that right now. i can wait. 

it’s annoying that ya’ human. 

i mean, i don’t give a shit about ya’ species, but the fact ya’ don’t know shit about soul mates and think ya’ can fight it. that sucks.

if ya’ was a monster, we’d be fucking already. but it is what it is. 

~~~~~

it only takes an hour or so ta’ get all ya’ shit together. teleportin’ back for the car makes life a bit simpler too, it’s not long until ya’ all tucked up in the passenger seat and bouncing like a kid on a sugar high.

“This is exciting, I’m excited, are you excited!?”   
i smile at ya’ and ya’ start singin’ again.

“Skeleton you are my friend,  
But you are made of bone.  
And you have got no flesh and blood running though you,   
To help protect the bone.” 

“is that a real song?” i ask, there ain’t’ no way that’s a real thing, s’fuckin’ stupid. 

“It’s a real song! I can play it for you if you like?” ya’ chirp at me, so damn pleased wit’ya self as ya’ wave ya’ mp3 player at me. 

turns out it’s a real song. a real song with a fuckin’ creepy ass ending.   
but ya’ giggle like a little kid and I can’t help but smile. fuckin’ soul bond, even you acting like a nut case is cute. 

getting outta’ town ain’t a barrel o’laughs.  
Seems like the sound of my cars engine attracted a whole asgore be damned herd of the fuckers. 

c’ourse my girl can handle it and the car ain’t too bad either.

i’m so fucking glad i can put her in automatic, meant i could film ya’ on my mobile as ya leaned out the window and smash in walker heads as we drive through the edge of the herd. 

the blood and brain matter are easily wiped off by the screen wipers and the shattered bone matter doesn’t leave a scratch in the toughened surface.

hearing ya’ laugh out loud as you casually swing the bat through the skull of a zed that gets too close ta’ grabbing at ya’ is something i need to hear more. ya’ laugh like a fuckin’ fairy or something... all light and tinkly.   
turning me inta’ mush.  
can’t wait ta’ introduce ya’ to my bro, he’s gonna’ like ya’ a lot.

i hope he likes ya... 

coming out of the town i can see ya’ looking back out the corner of yer eye, the smiles an’ laughter dimmin’ the further we go.

“ya’ wanna stay?” it’s all i can ask ya’, if ya’ start cryin’ i’m gonna loose my shit.  
i have no clue how ta deal with a crying female. 

“No, no... just, lots of memories, you know? Not sad to leave it, but lots of feels right now.” it’s pretty much the most calm and sane thing I’ve heard ya’ say. 

“dun’worry dolly, reds got ya’.” 

ya look at me like i just uttered the biggest crock o’shit you ever heard and snorted lightly. 

oh sweetheart, you’ll learn. 

~~~~~

Your POV  
I try my best not to stare at Red too much, he’d ridiculously good looking, in a ‘I’ll eat your face’ kind of way. 

Him just Literally landing in my life and declaring us ‘destined to be’ was a bit much I’ll admit, but it’s so nice to not be alone anymore.  
Having someone to admire my killing skills is a real perk, I mean, it seems to be my special skill set and Red really seems to appreciate the thought and planning I give each kill. 

I’ll never forget his face when I used my baseball bat like a snooker cue and managed to impale three heads at once as we drove.

Classic.

To be fair, the rot had softened their bodies so much over the summer, it was like punching through sheets of stagnant bacon.  
No texture, just sludge. But still fun! 

I’ll miss my old town, I grew up there. I hated it, but it was familiar, like an old shoe... too tight and small, badly smelling and full of holes...heh. 

But this! This is new and exciting and I have a friend! A friend for life apparently.  
A friend for life who is a hot monster with an amazing car and who hasn’t called me weird or creepy yet! 

I’m excited!


	4. You got Red on you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s so long between chapters, this is my side fic, my main fic- I’m No Human- gets all my attention and I need to work on that! 
> 
> Anyway, discourse and a little insight into the mind set of the reader. 
> 
> This chapter is based around and dedicated to-  
> High on legal marijuana by TheMsource.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/18486304/chapters/43803565
> 
> And When Darkness Falls https://archiveofourown.org/works/21789688/chapters/51994363
> 
> By littlexsiren and lollipopkitten93
> 
> Gotta’ love some bi-lingual skeletons!

drivin’ along the back roads makes life easier, country lanes and hidden roads were avoided by the masses durin’ the first outbreak because the army tried to corral everyone together to prevent the spread.

the government told people to avoid anywhere that the dead could hide, like hedge rows an’ forests. fuckin’ morons. 

makes it easier for us now though, no pileups, no barricades once ya’ leave the towns. easy drivin’ across the moors.

it’s dark out, we’ve been on the road for about three hours now and i got the high beams on, makin’ sure we don’t hit any ponies or deer...and so we can aim for any of the dead heads we see, ain’t hardly any out here, but it’s entertainin’ as all get out when we spot the odd one.

ya’ surprised me the first time we saw a zed in the darkness and ya’ told me hittin’ it would get me 10 points. ya’ fuckin’ giggled. 

who am i ta’ say no to a pretty lady.   
MY pretty lady.

i’m up to 40 points in the last two hours

“It’s so weird the dead only hunt humans, they never go for animals. You’d think anything alive would attract them.” yer’ voice is soft and sleepy, i can see your eyes droopin’ in the reflected light of the beams.

i can feel the sweat on ma’ skull formin’ as i keep my sockets on the road.

“yeah.. s’weird.” i mutter, time ta’ change the subject.

“we’re gonna’ need ta’ head towards a town soon kitten, fuels on the low.” i hope that‘s enough of a distraction and it is, even if not the way i intended.

“What’s with you and the pet names all the time?” i can feel yer dark eyes as they fix on me, all steady and intense, i can’t say i don’t like yer attention. ya’ really know how to look at a guy like ya’ can see right through him. heh. 

“s’monster thing, means we like ya’.” i give ya’ a big, slow wink an’ brow bone wiggle. ya’ narrow ya’ eyes all suspicious like. 

“Do I get to pick one I like?” yer arms are folded and yer trying ta’ pout but i can see yer’ lips twitchin’ as yer try not ta’ laugh.

“sure. we got kitten, darlin’, doll, babe, baby girl..” yer cheeks flush at that one and i commit that to memory.  
“sweetheart, angel...”

“Angel. I like that one.” ya’ pipe up, yer eyes all big, the darkness of them all warm and happy. 

“oh?” i let my eye lights pan ta’ ya’ as i’m driving, yer look damn pleased with the idea.

“I have my reasons.” and ya’ smirk, sinking down all comfy in yer seat.  
“Might tell you one day.. Maybe.” 

“alrighty-then.” guess that’s all i’m gettin’ as an explanation, but if it’s what my girl wants, that’s what she gets. 

“Why do you have an American accent? You guys were trapped underground, how is it you sound like you’re from Brooklyn?” I can see ya’ lookin’ at me in the reflection o’ the glass, it steams up every time ya speak. 

“s’media, we learned ya’ language from the trash ya’ sent inta’ the dumps. it washed up in our mountain. ma’ pops gotta’ thing fer gangster movies, watched a fuck ton of’em as a kid...so when i speak english, this is how i sound.” i give a little shrug, ain’t much to it really. 

“There’s a monster language?” ya’ perk up, all cute and interested. 

“‘course, why would monsters speak english?” i smirk at yer, teasin’ a little as yer flush.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to assume. I just thought since you’re all in Ireland...?”i can see yer frownin’ with some deep thoughts there. i ain’t never gonna think that ain’t cute. 

“that would be gaelic darlin’. there’s some’a us that still speak that.” 

“Can you?” it’s nice that ya’ wanna’ get ta know me, i’m not one ya’ talk about myself much, but fer you? i’ll make an exception. 

“is féidir liom grá.” 

ya’ hum softly with interest, a warm blush spreadin’ over ya nose and cheekbones. i can see yer breath steamin’ up the glass of the window again as ya’ rest ya head against it. i get some pleasant mental images of ways we could steam up this whole stars damed car, but i guess havin’ ta wait’ll just make tastin’ ya all the sweeter. 

“I have no idea what you just said, but I like it.” I can see ya’ side eyein’ me, i may or may not’a blushed a little myself. 

it’s about half an hour o’comfortable silence before ya’ pipe up again. 

“Hey Red?” ya sound all kindsa’ sleepy, how can one human be so fuckin’ cute?

“yeah angel?” 

“What kind of mage am I?” 

i give ya’ a bear trap grin, i wondered how long it would take ya ta’ ask. i have an idea what ya’ might be, but i ain’t gonna say it, it’s fuckin’ rare. might just be a legend.   
“no idea. ya’ really ain’t had any magic leakages? no weird stuff happenin?” 

“Other than the zombie apocalypse you mean?” that one raised eyebrow is all the expression you show me. i wanna kiss it and and i wanna shave it off. can’t hide yer’ emotions with an eyebrow like that, as much as yer’ tryin’. 

i just snort out a laugh and nod, i ain’t gonna’ spook ya’ yet, kissin’ ya face might be a bit too intimate, heh. 

“I’ve not had anything I can think of as weird, I wish I knew what my powers are. Do you know how I can find out?” yer eyes are on me again, i can feel it in the darkness of the car, it’s comfortable, like a tiny world with just us in it. feels....right.

“most folks i know of found their power when their life was in danger, it kinda’ popped out to save them, ya’ know?” 

“Oh. I’ve never had my life in danger, maybe that’s why.” ya’ shrug an’ pull ya’ feet up under ya’.

“darlin’, ain’t no way ya’ lived in this hellscape without somethin’ puttin’ ya’ in danger.” i dead pan at ya’ and ain’t no one that deadpans better than a skeleton, but ya’ just pout a little and shrug again.

“Nope.” the way ya’ pop tha’ ‘p’ is exactly the way i do it ta’ boss. hilarious. 

“Never been in a situation I couldn’t handle, zed heads are a cake walk, looters just needed to be avoided. Easy.” 

ya’ lyin’. i can smell it on ya’. like rain on hot metal.   
i just hum a little and keep drivin’. soul mate or nah’, that’s a whole box a’trauma we ain’t close enough ta’ open just yet.

the moors spread out before us in the darkness, bleak and featureless in the headlights of the car, i can hear ya’ hummin’ somethin’ but I don’t recognise what it is.

ya’ pull yer feet further under your (hot as hell) ass an’ i can’t help but growl at ya’ a little. yer dirty boots are on ma’car seats.  
i’ve dusted mooks for less an’ i give ya’ a very pointed look.

“Oh, crap sorry. I kinda lost the habit of giving a shit about dirt. My bad.” yer sound genuinely apologetic as yer lower yer feet and it makes ma’ soul hum... but it all backfired like a motherfucker as ya’ bend down and pull of yer boots. 

leaving ya’ pretty little feet in socks out in the open.

right next ta’ me. 

they’re fluffy an’ pink... it’s all i can do ya’ keep ma’ lights on tha’ road an’ not wreak us as ma’ jaw jus’ clicks open. jeeze... even ma’ thoughts are slurring...

before i drool all over ya’ i grab ma’ jacket and throw it over ya’ like a blanket. it hides ya’ feet and makes ya’ breathe a sigh of contentment at the warmth.

“cailín mígheanasach..” i mutter under ma’breath. 

“Aww, thanks Red, that’s really sweet of you.” it’s a tiny mumble as ya’ drift off ta’ sleep. 

all i do is grunt in reply, i ain’t sweet, but if that’s what ya’ wanna’ think i’ll take it. 

it’s all brownie points in gettin’ ya’ ya’ like me. 

its kinda’ relaxing hearin’ ya breathin’ an’ knowin’ ya’ wrapped up in my jacket as ya’ sleep. 

knowing how heavily it’ll scent mark ya’. 

~~~~

morning came, sun rose, rain fell.

its like a god damn water sheet, i ain’t looking forward ta’ tryin’ ta navigate a scavenging expedition in this shit. 

we both look outta’ window of the car and ya’ let out a deep sigh.

“Welp, needs must I suppose.”

i watch ya’ start to pull on yer’ protective gear an’ i give ya’ a hard look.

“angel, we ain’t going out in this hell storm. y’all catch ya’ death o’cold!” i ain’t used ta’being’ the voice’a reason, feels weird, but humans are so fuckin’ delicate. all cells an’ biology. ‘skinda gross really. 

i must be needin’ some sleep after all that drivin’, makes me cranky as fuck. but i wasn’t gonna’ leave ya unprotected. 

ya’ look at me an’ ya’ eyes go all big and round.   
“Did we slip into an alternate reality where you get to tell me what to do? I’m pretty sure we didn’t.” 

sassy. cute. ain’t gonna fly. 

“look dolly, the visibility is non-existent, i can smell exactly jack with all the water an’ it’ll get ya’ sick. we ain’t got the meds for that...”  
i can see the logic getting to ya, if id kept ma’ big trap shut it might’a worked...” now be a good girl and stay put.” 

“Hmm. Yeah. Nope.” the car door is open an’ ya’ jumped out faster than i gave ya’ credit for. 

“god fuckin’ damnit angel!” i do ma’ best to keep up with ya’ as i jump outta the car, ya’ walkin’ up to the store like ya’ own the joint.

it’s hot as hell the way ya’ don’t even look worried about any walkers that might stumble outta the gloom an’ mist that surround the abandoned asda, but it’s makin’ ma’ soul scream ta’ protect ya’.

i can’t help but rub at ma’ sternum ta’ try an’ calm it down, visibility is practically nothin’ and ya’ just far enough away from me that i can’t catch ya’ scent. s’drivin’ me nuts and i have ya hurry ta’ catch up with ya’.

no use teleportin’, need ta’ save all ma’ magic just in case we need ta leave in a hurry. 

“Oh. You decided to tag along then?” The mask is back over ya’ face, but i can hear the smirk ya’ wearin’ under it. 

“ya’ crazy, ya’ know that right?” i cant help but say it, ya’ gotta’ know how stupid it is ta’ just walk up to a supermarket like that. they’re all over run with zeds, filled with dead morons that tried ta’ stock up on supplies when the walkers first appeared. 

“Yeah, I’m aware.” we’re at the entrance now, eyein’ up the glass doors as they stand intact but pitch black from the darkness inside.

“what?” i tear ma’ lights from the doorway an’ stare at ya’, ya’ agreed wit me like it was nuthin’...what happened to ya’ ta’ make ya’ like this?

“I’m bug fucking crazy Red, absolutely cloud coo-coo. What of it?” da’grin in ya’ voice behind yer’ mask makes me pissed off...

“What’d ya mean, ‘what of it’? how the fuck are ya’ still alive with that attitude?” i cant help ma’self. why are ya so careless wit’ya own life...? i can hear ma’ voice getting angry soundin..i dun wanna be angry at ma’ mate but ya’ makin’ things so damn difficult.

“Because I have no shits left to give. Now are we going shopping or not?” yer roll yer eyes at me...ya’ do that again and i ain’t gonna be responsible fer what happens..

“shopping?” why... why did i haveta’ end up with a soulmate who’s an asgore be damned moron?

“Well yeah, I have a mighty need for some new clothes... and look! It’s all on sale!” the will smith pose ya’ pull makes me snort, it’s never not funny. 

“ya’ shittin’ me.” 

“Nope, mega land of the dead sale. 100% off, all it costs are possibly your braiiiinnnnssss...” ya’ hold out ya’ hands in front of ya’ and loll yer tongue like a comic book zombie, lurchin’ as ya’ wink at me. 

“now i know yer’ fuckin’ with me.” i can feel my brow bones ache as i scowl at ya’. is this how the boss feels when i fuck around all the time? 

“Maybe, just a tad.” 

this is so weird, ya’ drivin’ me nuts with ya’ carelessness. that ain’t how it’s meant ta’ be, soulmates aren’t meant ta’ piss ya’ off... they’re meant ta’ be the missing half of ya’ soul. 

ya’ just a pain in the ass. 

“look angle, we’re goin’ in, getting what we need an’ gettin’ out. this ain’t a pleasure trip. capeesh?” i fold ma’ arms and try ta’ be reasonable about this, we need the supplies yeah, but this ain’t gonna be a pleasure trip. 

“Again with the telling me what to do. That ain’t a thing big guy.” 

ya’ turn away from me and smash in the glass of the door, the sound is enough ta’ wake the dead...literally.

“ya’ got a fuckin’ death wish? ya’ dumb broad, it ain’t my boney ass the rotters will be crewin’ on!” i’m yellin’, i know i’m yellin’. I dun’wanna’ yell at ya’ but that was suicidal! 

“Yes, I do. What of it?” the little shrug ya’ give makes ma’ soul tight.

“da’ fuck you talkin’ about?!”

“Everyone I know and love is dead! Everyone died Red! I couldn’t save anyone and no matter what I do I can’t fucking die!”  
ya’ kick away the glass and broken shards of door, vanishing inta’ the darkness.

it’s all i can do ta’ curse up a storm as i follow ya’ in.


End file.
